Inked, Marked, Tattooed

Marking that dreadful day, I decided to write every 12th of each month. It liberated all the emotions inside me. It accompanied me as I journey on. And today it turned a year old. 12 blog posts full of yearning, affliction and torment.

“I leave it up to 2018 to surprise me”. Same date last year when I posted this statement on my first blog for 2018. In the past, I used to write my goals and plans at the start of each year. But in 2018, I didn’t. I broke my own rules and welcomed spontaneity. Little did I know that after publishing that post, I was few hours away from receiving the “surprise” that 2018 had for me.

It was the worst, devastatingly shocking surprise. It ripped all the sh*t out of me. Marking that dreadful day, I decided to write every 12th of each month. It liberated all the emotions inside me. It accompanied me as I journey on. And today it turned a year old. 12 blog posts full of yearning, affliction and torment.

On its anniversary date, I was thinking of writing the same thing. Later on, I changed my mind. I realized no matter how much I write, the pain will never goes away. This longing and emptiness will never end. The torment will always remain. All it will do is to consume what is left of me. I know whoever the reason for this pain will never want me to stay this way. That someone would like me to find the strength to go on, to live this life.

That day took the most important person in my life. I will never forget it. Far more, I will remember that someone as long as I shall live.

Forever, marked.

12.12

12th day of the 12th month of the year:

January – First birthday

February – First whole month

March – First summer outing

April – First church event

May – First Mother’s day

June – First visit to salon

July – First hospitalization

August – First sleep over in our new home

September – First job shift

October – First Gabe’s competition

November – First annual out of town trip

December – First family reunion

Without you..

Angel

How can you lose someone you never had? How can you afford to lose someone you truly love?

How can you lose someone you never had?

How can you afford to lose someone you truly love?

We often hear people say “Everything happens for a reason”. No matter how much we wanted to seek answers to so many why’s, we hold our stand in believing that someday everything will soon make perfect sense. Tragedy tests our patience. It can leave us devastated, emotionally drained and most of the time we blame ourselves for all the ridicule that this cruel world brought us.

Where can we get the courage to move on? How can we start all over? When will this pain ends? It will be a long and hard battle to win. A lot of lessons to learn, tears to shed, hearts to mourn. Things get worst before it gets better. With all these circumstances, our faith must hold us together. Let it go. Continue to trust in Him. Instead, don’t ask why, seek for His answer.

Fly now our angels.

Gone

Craving for the sound of your voice,

I wont hear it, I have no choice

No matter how much I long for your touch,

I cant hold you, holes in my heart I cannot patch.

My eyes wants to see your face,

I close it for memories I wont erase

Every waking day, your hug, your kiss,

Unselfish love, I will forever miss.

My prayers each night for a chance to be with you again,

But devastating to know from me, you are taken

So early, you left me,

My soul cries for all that can’t be.

Half Empty, Half Full

Regrets.. Full of it..

For time unspent, for words unspoken, for actions undone.

For days I wasn’t there, for moments I allowed to pass by, for thinking that there will still be tomorrow.

Regrets.. Lack of it..

For spoiling you, for making you happy, for giving you what you deserved.

For taking care of you, for loving you.

Until your last breath.