Miss Granny – isang pagmumulat

Pagkatapos mapanood ang Philippine adaptation ng Korean movie na Miss Granny, ang mga sumusunod ay mga realisasyon ko bilang isang anak mula sa isang ina:

1. Kahit binago ang takbo ng buhay niya, pinakamasayang araw niya nung ikaw ay ipinanganak.

2. Paulit-ulit niyang pipiliin ang buhay na meron siya kasama ka kahit gano kahirap ang dinanas niya.

3. Proud siya sa lahat ng ginagawa at narating mo, maliit man o malaki.

4. Kahit nasaktan mo siya, hinding hindi ka nya matitiis. Patatawarin ka nya at hindi kailanman magbabago ang pagtingin nya sayo.

5. Hindi nauubos ang pagmamahal at pang-unawa na kaya niyang ibigay. At buong sarili nya ay kaya nyang isakripisyo para sayo.

Kaya tulad ng lyrics sa soundtrack na ISA PANG ARAW:

“Di mo namalayan naubusan ka ng oras
Pwede bang humiling
Isa pang araw na ikaw lang ang kasama
Kulang na kulang ang panahon
‘Di sapat and meron tayo ngayon”

Wag natin sayangin ang bawat sandali.

Mahal kita aking sariling Miss Granny.

(Photo courtesy of Pinterest)

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The Last Dance

The iconic song “Ang Huling El Bimbo” was brought to the musical theater and I got the chance to watch it last night. It was a story about friendship of four college students named Joy, Jay, Emman and Hector. The play revolved around building relationship and how it was tested by a horrible incident. Eventually, this drifted them apart, leaving them with unresolved issues. The only girl among the group, Joy suffered the most. She did not finish college, endured life of poverty, got a child out of wed-lock and struggled hard to sustain their daily means. As how the song Ang Huling El Bimbo ended, “at isang gabi, nasagasaan sa isang madilim na eskinita”, eventually Joy encountered a tragic death.

For it was already one hell of a sobering song, putting it to play is a lot more distressing. The last act was soulful and intense. After 20 years, the boys came over to pay their last respect to Joy. It was the boys’ graduation when they last met and didn’t communicate thereafter. Full of regrets, what ifs and repentance. Sadly, Joy will no longer hear them.

Coping up with the cruelties and struggles that this world brings, we tend to overlooked those who have been with us from the beginning. As we aged, we conquer our own battle. We wasted our time dwelling over material things, fame and success. Consequently, it allowed us to neglect our families and friends, the core who unceasingly supported us. When they depart, regardless of the amount of time that we spent with them, we still wished we had more time. Imagine how painful it will be for someone who failed to do so. Life indeed is short. So this I have to say, make time for friendships and relationships. Don’t wait till its too late.

Dance with them as if it will be the last.

Angel

How can you lose someone you never had? How can you afford to lose someone you truly love?

How can you lose someone you never had?

How can you afford to lose someone you truly love?

We often hear people say “Everything happens for a reason”. No matter how much we wanted to seek answers to so many why’s, we hold our stand in believing that someday everything will soon make perfect sense. Tragedy tests our patience. It can leave us devastated, emotionally drained and most of the time we blame ourselves for all the ridicule that this cruel world brought us.

Where can we get the courage to move on? How can we start all over? When will this pain ends? It will be a long and hard battle to win. A lot of lessons to learn, tears to shed, hearts to mourn. Things get worst before it gets better. With all these circumstances, our faith must hold us together. Let it go. Continue to trust in Him. Instead, don’t ask why, seek for His answer.

Fly now our angels.

Kalayaan

Paano kita papalayain?

Isang bagay na kay hirap gawin

Alaala mo na araw-araw kong kapiling,

Ang pagpapalaya ba sa akin ay darating

Sa isang iglap, sa isang kurap,

Pagkawala mo’y hindi ko matanggap

Ang iyong haplos sa bawat sakit,

Hindi ko na kailanman makakamit

Sadyang ang panahon ay kay bilis sayo’y dumating,

Pagmamahal mo sa amin mo lang pinarating

Kung maari lamang na ikaw ay aming bawiin,

Ang sakit sa aming puso’y papawiin

Ang iyong mga tinurong aral aking babaunin,

Pagmamahal mo kahit saan ay dadalhin

Paano ba kita papalayain?

Ikaw na nagbigay ng buhay sa akin.

Battle

I was up last night thinking about Anthony Bourdain’s death. It has been a series of suicide, depression and mental health condition events that caused these personalities to took their own lives. I lost a loved one due to a heart condition. I witnessed how she fought hard to live. She would have done anything and everything to extend her life to be with us. I will never condemn or question those people with depression on why they did what they did. But I can’t help but to wonder, how does this condition affect one’s thinking? What’s going through their mind? What are they feeling?

I may not be able to answer all these questions on my mind, but for now, all I know is that its a battle. A battle that must be taken seriously. I pray fervently to those who are still suffering this battle, that they will find the courage to suppress it, win over it and wake up to another day.

Uno

Your hands were the first i got to hold,

Your eyes were the first sight that brightened my day

Your lips were the first to kiss my cheeks,

Your voice was the first music to my ears.

Your anger was the first that made me scared,

Your smile was the first that filled me with happiness,

Your fears were the first sign of my weakness,

Your tears were the first to bring me sadness.

Your hugs were the first to vanish all my fears,

Your touch was the first that healed my wounds,

Your protection was the first to guard my soul,

Your love was the first I’ve ever known.

I had all my firsts in you,

You had all your firsts in me

My mother,

Your eldest.

Gone

Craving for the sound of your voice,

I wont hear it, I have no choice

No matter how much I long for your touch,

I cant hold you, holes in my heart I cannot patch.

My eyes wants to see your face,

I close it for memories I wont erase

Every waking day, your hug, your kiss,

Unselfish love, I will forever miss.

My prayers each night for a chance to be with you again,

But devastating to know from me, you are taken

So early, you left me,

My soul cries for all that can’t be.

Half Empty, Half Full

Regrets.. Full of it..

For time unspent, for words unspoken, for actions undone.

For days I wasn’t there, for moments I allowed to pass by, for thinking that there will still be tomorrow.

Regrets.. Lack of it..

For spoiling you, for making you happy, for giving you what you deserved.

For taking care of you, for loving you.

Until your last breath.

Counting

One month,

Of sorrow and pain,

Of keeping each other sane
One month,

Of waking up and trying,

Of sleeping and crying
One month,

Of holes and emptiness,

Of feeling of loneliness
One month,

Of continuous longing,

Of holding and fighting
One month,

Of missing you,

Of losing you.

Twenty Eighteen

Thoughts as another year unfolds

New Year’s Day while on our way back to Manila after the holidays, I asked a loved one why he doesn’t make a list of goals for the New Year. His answer was simple “I don’t want to set expectations and disappoint myself when I fail to achieve it”. Curiously, I asked again, “Then how do you make things happen in your life without planning?” And he immediately answered, “As long as I know what I’m doing and it will take me to what I want to be, I’m good with it, no need to write it down.”

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On the contrary, it has been a tradition for me marking down my plans to kick-off the year. My progress stimulates a sense of excitement as I tick-off my lists every year-end. The regulars usually are my travel goals to as many places as I can, saving up PhpXXX amount, career leap, losing weight and learning something new. My 2017 didn’t fail me except for the losing weight part (LOL). After that conversation, I contemplated for a while. Do I want to change how I do things this year and try doing it spontaneously? Will I ditch listing down my goals/plans for 2018? Eleven days after New Year, I finally decided to stick to what I got used to. Not because I don’t want to take chances and do something new. I do, actually. It’s just that, it works for me so why get rid of it?

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In the era of social media, everything is public, fast-paced, #Goals posted everywhere, associating our lives and achievements from that of others and the end-products are pressure and stress. I too experienced it at some point. More often my goals were patterned after the clamor of the society. Sometimes the intent and purpose doesn’t define me. At that moment, I paused to think what really makes me happy? Who do I really want to become? Then flashes of things that I love doing crossed my mind – fulfillment after reading a good book, writing a blog, going back to running, visiting more heritage houses and museums and as plain as enjoying a cup of coffee during friends meet-up. With that thought, there’s no point in pushing myself too hard. I want to recourse to conventional activities which are less stressful and will make me feel better. I will still navigate but with a purpose of fulfilling the old soul in me and not just for the show-off bucketlist. I will work not for the heck of getting that “title” but because I don’t want an idle mind. I will still spend prudently but scrap setting a specific amount, instead I will save to buy more books and to build a shelf for my stuff. This year, I will take things on my own pace as modestly as I can. With my own definition of contentment.

And for the greater things, I’ll leave it up to 2018 to surprise me!

Continue reading “Twenty Eighteen”