Inked, Marked, Tattooed

Marking that dreadful day, I decided to write every 12th of each month. It liberated all the emotions inside me. It accompanied me as I journey on. And today it turned a year old. 12 blog posts full of yearning, affliction and torment.

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“I leave it up to 2018 to surprise me”. Same date last year when I posted this statement on my first blog for 2018. In the past, I used to write my goals and plans at the start of each year. But in 2018, I didn’t. I broke my own rules and welcomed spontaneity. Little did I know that after publishing that post, I was few hours away from receiving the “surprise” that 2018 had for me.

It was the worst, devastatingly shocking surprise. It ripped all the sh*t out of me. Marking that dreadful day, I decided to write every 12th of each month. It liberated all the emotions inside me. It accompanied me as I journey on. And today it turned a year old. 12 blog posts full of yearning, affliction and torment.

On its anniversary date, I was thinking of writing the same thing. Later on, I changed my mind. I realized no matter how much I write, the pain will never goes away. This longing and emptiness will never end. The torment will always remain. All it will do is to consume what is left of me. I know whoever the reason for this pain will never want me to stay this way. That someone would like me to find the strength to go on, to live this life.

That day took the most important person in my life. I will never forget it. Far more, I will remember that someone as long as I shall live.

Forever, marked.

Ambivalent

Hey 2018, I cant wait to leave you! The pain you brought me was the worst and the hardest that I had endured. I didn’t even know how I was able to pull through, but I did.

At the same time, a part of me would like to hold on to you. Leaving you means I will have to leave the last year that we shared together. Facing an entire year without my hero.

But life goes on as they say, no matter how hard it had been. I’ll bring with me memories not just of 2018 but all the years weve been together. Now, I bravely welcome you 2019, for whatever it is you have in store for me.